Friday, March 12, 2010

build up.

Ever since the wreck I haven't been able to do squat except sit in my house or my in-law's home. It was ok for awhile, but I got over that very quickly.

For the past month now I've been at home a lot more often which was nice. It gives me an opportuinty to clean house and let's be honest- it's nice to in my own home. But there is only so much a person can take sitting inside, looking at the same set of walls. There is only so much cleaning and re-arranging you can do. The same movies get very old after a short amount of time, and though I love my computer dearly, it too gets old.  The fact that I can't drive (and we only have one vechicle that he takes to work) and we have no extra money plays a major factor in my lfe as well.
With that being said, my husband, whom I love, hasn't really taken my situation into account. He works, can drive and has friends who think he should spend his home time out in the garage skating with them for hours on end.
I'm glad he has friends and that he has a hobby he enjoys but, he also has me and his son. And I really feel that we are placed on the back burner when it comes to his skating time- which is every free moment that he has.
Today I let loose. I told him exactly how I felt and that I am tired of him not bothering to think of my situation.
He "didn't realize or think to ask".

That statement says it all. wow.
But, let me say that he does bend over backwards for his frends. One in particular who is in a "rut". Well, take a number buddy.
I have never felt so down and out in my entire life. I really feel like I have nothing to look forward to during the days- besides Vann. We have never been this broke or this screwed. And for  him to push me aside really doesn't help. Most days it's as if he doesn't even want to deal with me- which I suppose is understandable, but he's all for "the guys" which doesn't make me feel any better. 

I truly just feel like giving up.
I know this is a sad and pathetic entry. I sound pathetic to myself.
But there is just so much

1 comment:

heather said...

i think every marriage goes through this.. i know me and david went through this in a way before brennen.. maybe things will change since you said it to him...