Tuesday, July 26, 2011

so how's that rollercoaster working out for you?

My mom and Vann. Today was her last day as an Alabama resident.
I'm a mixture of emotions about her leaving.  I'm ready to see her go- have been for quite awhile. I think it will be good for both of us to get some space. Hopefully Florida treats her better than Alabama has..

I know Vann will miss her. He really does love her and she loves him.  I hate the fact he won't have both of his grandmothers here, but it's for the best right now.
Thankfully he's got a lot of family here- even if all of it is now Nicko's. They treat him well & love him..that's all I can really ask for. :)

Speaking of Vann, there's my sweet little monkey boy. Nicko let him color last week and he got it EVERYWHERE. It was cute and the kid loves coloring.  This is my favorite picture. It looks like he was playing peek-a-boo with the drawer, but he was actually watching spongebob- whom he now loves. :) 
He's doing so many things now. He's gotten a few new words (spongebob, daisy, 'honk'- the sound a goose makes, 'moo')  granted there aren't INCREDIBLY clear but they are clear enough to make out what he's saying. 
Everyday is something new, which is incredible. It's hard not to brag. :)

I'm sure you're wondering what's up with the title of this post..and if you aren't, well that's understandable. Let me explain.. the past few days- atleast 5- i have been an emotional wreck. I'm crying at every little thing and so much has been bothering me. I think a lot of it had to do with my mom.. worrying about her and trying to figure out ways to help when it really wasn't my place. Nicko swears I take on other people's problems..eh.  another thing that's been on my mind is the situation with my grandmother and my mom..they've never gotten along because my gma (dad's mom) took me away when I was really young. My mom has never forgiven her and I've never found out the truth as to why I was taken from either side. I've had a slew of 'whys' but I've never had what I consider the solid truth.. who knows if it will ever come. It's just been heavy on my mind.
I've cried over everything lately.  Commericals, tv shows, watching Vann, conversations, thinking too much, reading.. you name it and tears have come a-flowin.  Nicko showed me a video last week of a baby hearing for the first time and boy did I lose it.  Here's the link if you are interested. It's incredibly sweet, and as a mother, just made my heart swell. I can imagine how magical that moment must have been not only for the baby, but for her as well. I tried explaining to Nicko b/c he thought it was funny, hillarious actually, that I cried. He did admit to it being 'cool'...typical man.
While I carried Vann I talked to him, read to him and sang to him nearly everyday. It never occured to me that he could be deaf and I was so confident he would know who I was b/c he was so used to hearing me. That woman and baby, though they had a bond, didn't share that experience (as far as I know). Her being the first one that he heard must have been so incredible... I  mean, wow.
I'm tearing up just thinking about it. and I'm happy for that family. That's something that words just can not describe.

Last night I was sick as a dog. I had the worst stomach cramps (though it was more of like knots, flips & tearing), nausea and headache in quite awhile. I was up and down all night and had to keep an icepack on my head & stomach at all times. Thankfully I bought those extra pirate icepacks from Target a few weeks ago- they really came in handy! 
... could the sickness be pregnancy induced? maybe.. I haven't taken a test yet and am due for 'that time' within the next two weeks. I'm trying to hold out, and hold my breath, though  I'm sure with all the stress I've had going on the past few weeks it's not going to happen... but I won't be disappointed if there's a little something growing in there. :)

and that's all for now. Maybe this emotional rollercoaster will come to an end soon. I know I'm sure tired of these waterworks.

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