Thursday, February 24, 2011

bleeding eardrums.

This week has really been a slow one.  It didn't help that Tuesday morning I woke up thinking it was already Friday.  Yeah, that's how slow it's been.

And I am so ready for this year to be over with. Not because of the kids. I have enjoyed them and honestly, this year has been the one where I have seen the most improvement as a collective whole. It's my co-teacher... if that's what you even want to call her. I hate to bash her, but omg. She not only has very little sense (common or knowledgeable) but instead of speaking in a regular voice she screams CONSTANTLY. (and oblivious to hints, omg.) I've modeled a quite voice, speak to the kids in a quiet voice, play quiet voice games, discuss where to use our loud voices and a million other things. I"ve even said  things to her like "if you speak quiet, they are going to as well" and "If you get quiet, after a minute or two, the kids are going to notice and then start getting quiet on their own".. but does she seem to understand or even attempt to grasp at any of this?! NO.
My eardrums are on the verge or rupturing and I know the kids' are too.
Today has really pushed me close to the edge. All day long she yelled and screamed and yelled and screamed some more and talked at the top of her voice and yelled.. ahhh. The daycare/church had a director's conference (or something to that affect) and our director took the rest of them on a tour of our facility. The teachers were informed of this a week ago.  Anyways, I saw some of the visitors coming around lunch time and she was cleaning toys or something, but I don't know if they came through a second time or before this. and if they did, I hope to God (and more) that she wasn't yelling like a banshee.

I'm just over her. I appreciate the help (though minimal) that she has put in but I'm ready to move on. I'm kind of torn over our upcoming evaluations with the director in the next month, but I've decided that being honest and open is the best route to take. I hope that she understands that I do not want to work with her again next year... my nerves just can not take it.
I'm not wishing she looses her job or anything, I just hope she finds someone she can work with, someone who she gets along with and doesn't grate on their every last nerve. I also hope she learns how to be a better teacher. (Not taht I'm anywhere near great, I have a lot of learning to do too. )

When I take those couple of days off in April I know that she is going to be freaking out because I'm not there. She can't handle the room without me. Granted, it can be crazy in there, but it's not completly out of hand. And she should have a grip on things since she's been in there from the get-go. instead, she has to blow up my phone and STILL get the things wrong. Ugh.
I just have to keep the "out of sight, out of mind" thing going on. if i'm not there, it's not on me. And I have my lesson plans copied so there should be no confusion on what's supposed to be happening in there.

On another, much more positive note, I'm sitting outside on our porch swing while Vann is in his playpen out here with me. He's confined because he's getting too big for his britches and has an absolute lack of fear for our stairs. I don't feel like chasing him around today and it doesn't hurt his little behind in the least. It's a pretty nice day, though i wish the gray clouds would subside. Being home is always refreshing, especially being here with him.
I still can't get over how much he's grown and the milestones we've FLOWN by. With this boy there is no slowing down. He's so incredibly big, but still so small..
Life is hard with a child- not so much in the things you have to do (ya know, cleaning around them, getting up and losing very important sleep, changing them, etc.) but it's more of watching them grow and learn that's hard. It makes me so proud to see him accomplish things but I feel like with each day I'm watching another baby part of him disappear, and it doesn't seem like that should be happening. Before long he's not going to need or want me.
And that just makes my heart quiver. I don't want him to NOT ever want me.
It's amazing how much of you goes into your child.. even though you hear it, I never thought it would be THAT much. That I would do any and everything for him, probably without thinking.

oh, nostalgia. You're a real MF-er. :/

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