Friday, June 8, 2012

catching disappointments.

It's been a minute since I've posted. To be honest, I had kind of forgotten about this. I've been so enamored with Pintrest and making all kinds of projects- not to mention totally wrapped up in end of the year school stuff.
Speaking of that, end of another school year that is, this one was hard. I was a total wreck at the begining of the year, but it turned out to be the greatest class I have had in a very long time. I bonded with several kids and the class as a whole just blew me away with what they were capable of. It was a pleasant surprise. I normally shed a few tears on the last day but I'm USUALLY capable of controlling myself.  This year was not the case. I cried the entire day. I cried in front of parents, I cried during our party, I cried when they brought our gifts in and I couldn't even open them! I cried as all the kids left..  I was just one big, useless, emotional teacher.  I wonder what the parents were thinking but I  just could not reign it in, despite my best efforts.
I even cried when I was talking to Vann's teachers. I guess being a PARENT and a teacher has opened my eyes to how different things are. I'm thrilled with his teachers this year (even though he attended for 1/2 a school year) but the progress he made, and how happy school made him, was really important to me. You truly can't thank a teacher enough.

In other news, nothing too exciting is happening for us. Nicko quit his job in "environmental" and is going back to construction.  I don't know how I really feel about it. He hated the job, especially being out of town, and I did too. It was good money but if you're miserable and not able to be with your family...what's the point? We'll make it work somehow.. we've always been able to find a way, I just hope it works out this time.
 The lawyer situation is going..well, not very well. I feel like for every step forward we take, we are getting pushed back 10 steps. I'm so tired of dealing with this and feeling like we are getting screwed. I want to give him every single punishment that I can deal out to him and I want him to be screwed for the rest of his useless existence. He's a liar and a theif and he deserves to be treated as such. PRison time? Sure. Criminal records? Absolutely. Losing the chance to ever have a successful job, no voting privildges and blow his credit to smithereens? That's a start..  We aren't the only people he's screwed over or are in current "litigations" with but he keeps finding these loop holes or trying to scare us off... well,  here's a newsflash for you boy-o: I'm not backing down, no matter what kind of crap you pull, and how frustrated I get, I WILL find a way to get what is owed to me and my family and you will reap what you have sown.
It just pisses me off to no end and the "Bar Association" is the biggest waste of time I have ever "dealt" with. They are as useless as the theif mentioned above. and by the way thier "punishments" are about as severe as "time out" to a toddler.

 anddd...end rant.
For all the bulls#*t we're going through,  I hope there is a reason,and even more,I hope we come out financially comfortable because of it. We are on 2 1/2 years with this crap, and unfortunately, I don't see the end in sight in the immediate future.
 We've also been trying for a solid year to get pregnant and it still hasn't happened. I'm frustrated and disappointed with that more than I can ever begin to express. Conceiving Vann was nothing like this. It's always on my mind, no matter how hard I try to ignore/supress it. The added stresses of the lawyer/job situations &everyday life hasn't helped either. I'm desperate for #2 to come along (or even #3) and Nicko seems pretty ready for it to happen too. He's been making comments here and there randomly about it. I don't know what to do. Maybe one kid is all we're allowed?
Thankfully, we were given the greatest kid in the world and I love him so much. My love and adoration for him makes my heart over-flow...maybe I don't have enough room in my heart for another?
Nah, that's not true. There is always room in my heart for more. Whether  it be one, two or five more, there's plenty of space in there. :)


heather said...

im sorry about all the lawyer crap and i hope yall can stick it to him in every way..

also im sorry about yall not getting pregnant yet. it took us 6 months to get pregnant and it crushed me every time my prd came around. i became so obsessed with all of it that it was hard to function everyday. all i can say was when i finally gave up and called to make an appointment to be put on meds to help with it i got pregnant. so we were shocked it only took a month this time around. so maybe thats what is going on. ive always heard it will be the opposite the 2nd time around. and look at merritt. they tried for a year and then finally stopped and then she got pregnant a few months after. it could also be all the stress of the new job, lawyer crap and just everyday life. try not to get down about it. i know how your feeling and i know its easier to say "just relax and it will happen" but thats what really worked for us. yall are meant to have more then one. :)

dana said...

Heather, thanks for the kind words. :)
check my "new" post when you get time!